Recycling Men

We all tell our friends not to do it.  I like to say I don’t do it… but I do.  We all constantly recycle men.  It’s our own little black book (except it’s our little black iPhone)  We tell our friends, “I don’t get it! I was texting him all day, every day!  We talked about life, love, our hopes & dreams! I sent silly pictures of my cat, I told him my favorite sexual position hehehe, I sent the infamous mirror shot where I made a funny face… which was quickly followed by a picture of my sexy face… but that ended REAL quick!”

Insert any sane friend: “He suddenly couldn’t text while at work? After you fucked, his life just got sooooo busy? He didn’t realize how much was on his plate?!  Really?”

Well, you make a good point… but I believe him 🙂 Did I do something wrong? No. So I mine as well text him 7x in a row to make sure he isn’t dead, lost, confused, cold, alone.  Listen Mister sister… being ignored: confirmed.  But we still need his number!  Please don’t take that away from us!! And this is why:

“I just want to know if it’s him if he texts me.”

“I changed his name to ‘ DoucheBagDon’tAnswer!!!’ Let’s see how he likes that!”

“I’m going to delete him but save him in your phone.  And don’t give it to me when I’m drunk!!”

Who are you kidding?  You’re begging for those 10 magic digits before the pregame is over, you two beer queer.  Put down your appletini, take your head out of your ass and delete destructive men from you life!  We’re masochistic by nature.  Refer to Rihanna and Britney Spears’ international pop super hit ‘S & M’ (We just like to say Britney Spears as much as possible… Britney Spears, Britney Spears, Britney Spears) As I was saying… we enjoy hurting ourselves.  It’s the thrill of the chase and the excitement of feeling wanted.  If it didn’t work out the first time, why the fuck is your second go around any different?  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Yup, I just said it.  Because it’s true!  We look at our girlfriends/GURLfriends and roll our eyes when they say, “but this time he’s different!”  Tranny, you trippin’.  He didn’t change.  He doesn’t want a girlfriend.  He definitely doesn’t want YOU to be his girlfriend and moreover do you want this dick to be your boyfriend?  He stopped calling, he stopped texting and one afternoon when he was bored he said, “hey.” (gasp… he wants me back/misses me/loves me/realizes I’m the girl, gay, lady-boi of his dreams!!)

OH NO HE DIDN’T! Stop fooling yourself because you’re better than that.  We build up a base of 3 or 4 guys that we can rely on (barely) when we’re lonely and fake ourselves into these mini-dramas with each one. “OMG this skank ass bitch wrote on his wall yesterday and checked into Starbucks with him on Foursquare… and her Twitter said ‘getting some coffee ;)’ She mine as well said ‘blowing MY bf after a grande mochachino latte double shot drip! Stupid bitch with her pretentious coffee order. Ugh!'”   Did you just hear yourself?  Because if you need me to I can screen shot that deranged text and post it on Facebook. Drop the old dudes because living like this is not going to make you happy.  Delete numbers. Cut ties. Start fresh.  Work on yourself and work on finding one (just ONE) great guy.  He’s out there and these other ones lingering in the background will soon be a distant memory.

Don’t we all deserve a second chance. NO. Purge your contacts.  When he’s done, he’s DONE.



One thought on “Recycling Men

  1. Sexy Trash says:

    JWoww has the same information in her book, and she titles that chapter “Spaghetti doesn’t taste as good when it’s reheated.” She’s right, you’re right. GURL, BYE.

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