As I was looking around my family’s Christmas Eve dinner table last night I found myself feeling sad. I was happy to be with family surrounded by good food and great stories but something was missing. All of my cousins had brought their significant others to dinner this year and I was the only one flying solo. They were all talking about moving into new apartments or how there were going to spend the next day with their boyfriend or girlfriend’s family. In a room full of family I felt lonely. It was very strange especially because on any other day I am very consciously aware that I value my independence and I’m not interested in being in a relationship right now. I ended up crying myself to sleep…
JUST KIDDING. But I did wake up and I had a great AH-HA! moment. My dog (who gives me unconditional love all year round) snuggled up under my arm and wagged her tail as I opened my eyes. After a few yawns and a big puppy kiss I got up to find I had voicemails, texts, messages, and cards in the mail all reminding me of the great people in my life. The holidays can bring up a lot of different emotions. The loss of my grandmom hit me especially hard this year. And then I was feeling sad to be single? I also felt bad that I couldn’t go out and buy my family all the great gifts that they deserve because let’s be honest, 2010 has been a bitch financially.
I quickly snapped out of it. We all have so much to be lucky for. As we get older we find out more about ourselves and the people we choose to have in our lives. If I needed any one of my friends they would be there, no questions asked. They’re my second family. And my blood family is just as kind, generous and loving. We don’t say it out loud enough how much we really appreciate who we have and what we have. Seeing everyone on Facebook post pictures of their families, trees, gifts, pets and all the things that they are lucky enough to have made me really happy. I think my new year’s resolution is to stop and appreciate my family, my health, my friends and the things that I have, not the things I don’t. Not just on Christmas and not just on New Year’s but from now on! It’s sappy and it’s cliche but maybe there is something to be said about the effect of this time of year. Plus Britney and Gaga both revealed unreleased tracks today. How can you be mad that?
You’re not as fat as you think you are. Your job isn’t as shitty as you think it is. You’re definitely not alone just because you don’t have a significant other and you don’t need that new iPhone/car/dress as badly as you think you do. Just be happy for a minute. It’s not as bad as you think. Xoxo YourGayBFF