I can’t even believe that this has happened enough times that it’s a topic of discussion. When you are on a date… DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR EX. DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR ONE NIGHT STANDS. Focus on me and how pretty I am, idiot.
Me: Aw that’s so cute! You have two dogs? Do they try to wake you up and play in the morning or they let you sleep in? (I was grasping for conversation, don’t judge. Plus I wanted to sleep in so it was useful information either way…)
First half Asian that I’ve gone on a date with (which I won’t be doing again): Well normally they sleep in but when I have someone in bed with me they like to wake us up… but.. um, uh.. which ya know isn’t often…
I should’ve just gotten up then but he was buying so I ordered two more Grey Goose doubles. You will now spend your money on me because you’re a dumbass. Which brings me to example #2.
Me: So does your family know you’re gay?
Different first date idiot: Oh totally! My ex got along great with my brother and sister. I actually met him through my sister. We dated for like 4 years after they worked together. They used to hang out all the time! They’re still friends.
Okay the overall message here is appealing but the delivery SUCKS. TMI in so many different ways that it’s painful. He couldn’t rebound from that. As far as I’m concerned we were finished before I even got my Mahi Mahi tacos. And you know what? I wasn’t planning on touching my refried beans until I thought to myself, “eat up Mary!!” cause it don’t matter NO MO. Common sense has become an attractive quality. This is what we’re dealing with now? How sad. Le sigh -YourGayBFF